Personal Stories

When I was eleven years-old, I had a three year-old cousin who had leukemia, named Sonia. I remember my parents taking her and my aunt back and forth to doctors' appointments and to the hospital. My vivid memory was the day my aunt moved into our home with Sonia. A bed was set up in our living room with bags of awful smelling "alcohol like" medical supplies. Sonia had come home to die. My mother told me that I had to behave and be very quiet while she cared for Sonia. An aunt who was a nurse came everyday to give Sonia shots. I only remember the feelings of being sad and worried about what would happen next. I feared that this could happen to me. My father took charge of everything, from running errands to cooking. He even came home one day with a pair of brand new "black patent leather" shoes for Sonia. My mother took care of Sonia and my aunt and tended to whatever needs they had. My older brother and sister and I were rushed off to school as usual. I clearly remember the day I came home from school to see my parents looking very sad and crying. I knew something was wrong. Now, 47 years later, I remember that day vividly. The doctor came to our home to examine Sonia. He then had a private talk with my parents and my aunt. Shortly after he left, everyone gathered around crying as my aunt held Sonia in her arms. In the middle of the night, I was awakened by the loud cry of my aunt pleading "Why, oh why, dear God, did you take my Sonia away?" Sonia died that evening and shortly after she was buried wearing a beautiful pink dress and her brand new patent leather shoes. For the rest of my life I carried that pain and sorrow and still have images, smells, and memories of those days.

My interest in this topic comes from these childhood experiences, other personal losses, and from the work I do with children who have experienced grief and loss. I have worked as a Child Life Specialist for the past 28 years. My clinical experience has extended in working with hospitalized children with chronic illness, trauma, bum injuries, child abuse, to providing counseling to young victims of severe and fatal family violence.